Riding a wave of luck

I came in last night (again!) to try and get some of my mountains of work done, knowing that I am leaving for the weekend and everything is due before I go. After working for a little bit, I realize one of my stories doesn't have a photo with it. I find out that apparently, the reporter didn't arrange for one to be taken or ask the guy for a historical one to submit, because "I didn't know I was supposed to." Great. All of the other reporters did it, but you didn't know? Aren't you the SENIOR reporter who's been working here longer than anyone else? And you didn't know you were supposed to arrange your own photos for the special section story you were working on? Because in the past, the photos magically took themselves? No, the reporters are ALWAYS responsible for arranging them, unless told otherwise. Which would be why everyone else just knew to do it.

Thankfully, this appears to be my week for lucky breaks, as with just three phone calls, I've managed to track down a photo we can use. AND the guy's going to bring it in, so I don't have to go gallivanting around town on the day that all my stuff is due.

Also, my husband is having his surgery today on my lunch break. Good thing I have a whole bunch of extra time on my hands today in case his appointment runs long ... oh, wait.

ha ha ha. its my very own wait joke. ask me sometime if you would like to hear the history of wait jokes. I'd say more now, but, as I said, I'm lacking of the time :-)

Ad sense code

Google ad sense code for Kate's new blog

But if anyone else reading this has a blog you want to put Google ad sense on, go ahead and click away.




ETA:
Clearly, I'm either really stupid or blogspot doesn't support java script either. I was really really sure that it did, but frustratingly, every time I try to paste the code in here, it comes up blank. Does anyone know how to help fix this?

The name game

It's been 14 years, and my ears still pick up (like a dog's except you can't actually see it on a human) when I hear the name "Suzy." That is too weird. In fact, it even looks weird to see it in writing. But now that so much time has passed, and no one has called me "Suzy Q." or "Suzy Q. Winkle" (I never even understood that one) or sang "Wake Up Little Suzy" (this was a favorite of my mom's) in years, the name doesn't seem as annoying as it once did. People do still sing "Oh, Susannah" to me, which is not only still annoying, but confusing, as that is not my name ...

My grandfather called me "Sue" which I wouldn't let anyone else do, but because it was Grandpa, I took it as a term of endearment. He was a sweet man. But since he died, no one really calls me anything but my full name. Well, OK, both my parents and my step-mom occasionally say or write "Suz" which I actually kind of like, but no one else has ever done it. My husband usually just calls me "Sweetie" or "Mama" depending on the context. The only time I hear my name at all at home is if he's on the phone with someone else, talking about me.

Is it weird to be nostalgic for a nickname I never really liked in the first place? Maybe a little. :-)

This is in no way permission to call me Suzy, EVER, as you will die in a pit of flames, but just a retrospective analysis.

Worrying myself to an early grave

I feel stupid even saying anything about this because its so dumb and totally not a big deal at all and if he knew it was bothering me he'd probably laugh for like a week and a half, but I guess I've been kinda worried about my husband having minor surgery this Friday.

The procedure itself is like no biggie, just an in and out thing, but its that they're removing some moles. And insurance is paying for it. And he sidestepped some questions and changed the subject, but my wifely brain says the doctor found the moles "suspicious" and frankly, so do I. I've been bugging him to go in and get them looked at for quite a while, just for peace of mind. And I guess what I was expecting was them to look and say "Oh, those are fine. Stop worrying so much." But instead they're removing them. Like FOUR of them. Dude. I was only worried about two.

So. The chances of my 26-year-old husband having skin cancer are probably very low. And even if he did, the chances of it being serious are probably EXTREMELY low. But does this stop me from fretting about it? Nope. Not even a little bit.

Carpet?

Ben was babbling in the backseat the other day, not an uncommon occurrence. It was our anniversary and I wanted coffee, so that's where we were headed. The whole way there, Ben's yammering 'Carpet carpet carpet" We can't figure out what he's saying until we pull into the Starbucks drive-thru and he points definitively at the Starbucks lady on the sign and shouts "CARPET!!!!!"

We listen closely, and yes, he is indeed trying to say Starbucks. It was coming out "ar-beck." My husband said that couldn't be it, because he had been saying that since we left home, long before he could see Starbucks, or even know that was where we were going from our route. But I said, "Yeah, but you said you were taking me out for coffee. So he said, "Starbucks!!!!"

He said, "I can't believe my baby knows what Starbucks is."

Beautiful the way you are

After chatting with my cousin on Friday, I went out and rented "Real Women Have Curves." I've been wanting to see it forever and ever, and she NEEDED to see it because I'm gathering that her self-esteem is draining from her by the day. No, not the mean girls in school. Her mom.

My aunt is overweight. A lot. Yet she rags on her daughter for not being toothpick thin. My cousin is not yet 13 years old. She will be starting 7th grade in a few days. And she is so very beautiful. A real knock-out. The kind you don't want to let get too close to boys because she looks three years older than she is.

I can't believe my aunt has been making comments about her weight and her shape. Telling her she has to wear her pants around her waist to hide her middle. I sputtered at that for many reasons. I'm 25 and I'll tell you, no one under 40 wears their pants at their waist if they know what's good for them. Dude, that's why God gave you hips. To hold your pants up. :-)

Anyway, the movie came to mind, and I prayed it would be good. We talked about it after, and she said she thought it was "Okay ..." and I agree, though I liked it, it left a lot of loose ends and didn't hammer home the "skinny isn't everything" point much at all. It was just a subpoint of the movie.

But, I know that even when you pretend not to listen, sometimes words and ideas seep in anyway. I hope the next time her mom says something to her, she remembers what I've taught her.

REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES

I am NOT a mother hen. I'm not I'm not I'm not!

Right now, at this very moment, my almost-13-year-old cousin is watching my not-yet-2-year-old son. Actually, he'll turn 2 a month after she's 13, but those few months make a much larger difference in his life than in hers. Anyway, my husband has a doctors appointment and I was originally planning to come home early, but since she was already here, we figured I could stay and get some work done and she could have a trial run before her big gig tomorrow. (She's baby-sitting while we go out for our fifth anniversary.)

I left my cell phone with her. I showed her how to call me at work. I made her repeat the ext. number back to me like 20 times. Which is silly, because its 123, and anyone can remember that. Except that sometimes people still forget. They remember that it was easy, but was it 111 or 123 or 321?

Deep breath.

It's an hour. She'll be fine. They'll be fine. Our house is almost 100 percent baby-proof. They'll just play with toys. Nothing will burn down. No one will need to call 911. There's no reason to call her and check in. Right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?

The longest meme in the world!!!!

I was tagged by Anna from bcmom for the middle name meme. I don't think I've ever done a tag meme before ... just ones I've liked and picked and chosen on my own. But hey, I'm embracing it, especially if it gets this blogspot blog a little more PR.

The rules:
1. You have to post the rules before you give the facts.
2. You must list one fact that is relevant to your life for each letter in your middle name. If you don't have a middle name than use a name that you like.
3. When you are tagged you must write a post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your post you must tag one person for each letter in your middle name. Don't forget to comment them telling that they are tagged and to read your post to get the rules.

This totatally sucks, because my middle name is ultra-long:

M — Mega tired, all the freakin' time
I — Intense emtotions
C — Can't keep a secret (I can if told not to shoot my mouth off, but if you don't specifically say "This is hush hush" I'll blab.
H — Hungry. It's boring, but true. Feed me and I'll eat. Don't and I'll whine and get snarky.
E — Entertained by everything my toddler does
L — Lounger. If things need to be cleaned, expect to find me on the couch reading
L — Longs for something better. A happier life. Less being late and more enjoying the trip
E — Earthy crunchy mama. Not as much as some, especially online, but on the extreme end of the spectrum IRL, especially in my backwater town.


Now I guess I need to come up with EIGHT people to tag. That's a lot, you know!

1. I promised Hayley a link like forever ago ...
2. I'd love to know more about beowabbit Heck, I don't even think I know his first name, as Mare always just calls him "my wabbit" tee hee
3. Oh, Mare is a good idea ...
4. I owe Amy an apology for mixing her up with her sister yesterday
5. I don't think her sister Kiki ever heard about it, but I guess she's about to find out.
6. I never hear from Ayelle so we'll see if this nudge makes a differece :-)
7. Newsbean (who's name I do know but she doesn't want it plastered all over the internet) has been quiet lately ...
8. Last but not least, thejoybird who's name I do not know. But her daughter's name is Eva, and she's a stay at home mom.


OMG that was so hard!

ETA: Ami-chan tagged me too, but hopefully that doesn't mean I have to do it twice. I only have the one middle name.

Stumped

I just spent the last 10 minutes in the bathroom with my head between my knees unable to move. Three people came and went while I was in there. Don't ask me what was/is wrong, because I don't know. I just seriously could not make myself get up. I wasn't feeling sick, persay, just like not moving. I wanted to go home. Maybe for the day. Maybe forever. I don't know. I tried to tell myself that its not my job that's making me unhappy. Only I can make me unhappy. And if I don't control the internal, it won't matter what I do with the external. I'll just find something else to be unhappy about.

The thing was, I wasn't sitting there in the bathroom saying, "I'm so unhappy, I can't do this." I just actually couldn't do it. It's hard to explain. And then, in the same I-have-no-idea-what's-going-on here-style, I just got up and came back to my desk. I don't remember deciding to do so, or finally "winning" the internal struggle I was having. I was just better. And that's not to say that I'm suddenly like, "I love my job, please oh please give me more work," but whatever it was, it passed.

Beautiful children

I saw my friend's future children at Baskin Robbins last night. It was pretty awesome. Two girls, ages 7 and 5 (or so) and they had mocha skin with a sprinkling of freckles over the bridges of their noses, LONG brownish wavy hair (past their waists) and warm mahogany brown eyes. Stunning children. They were getting ice-cream with their white dad, mixed mom, and full Korean grandma. (I'm normally kinda bad with this sort of thing, but I'm pretty sure she was Korean and not like Chinese or Vietnamese or something.) The mom was clearly just half Korean, making the girls 1/4 Korean, as will be the case with my friend when she and her husband get around to having babies. (Excuse me. ONE baby.)

I almost took a picture of them, but then decided that their parents might get creeped out by that. So instead, I just caught the dad's eye as we happened to be leaving at the same time as them and said "You have beautiful children." He said, "OHHH, thank you so much!" I was quite pleased with myself. Dads don't tend to hear these things about their kids as much as moms do, so I think I really made his day. As they were getting into the car, I could see him talking to his wife and gesturing toward our car. :-)

overheard in the breakroom at work

"... there was this girl who was trying to lose weight so she started drinking slim fast, except it wasn't working, so we started calling her slim-slow. 'Hi Slim Slow, have you had your slim-slow yet today?' and eventually she gave up and went back to drinking whatever she wanted ..."


OMG! I can't decide if that's mean and funny or just funny. Women sure can be bitchy to each other, that's for sure.

Etiquette101

Is it rude to downright ask someone if you can be their bridesmaid?

Don't say yes, obviously I know it is, or I wouldn't be writing this, but seriously, this person was MY bridesmaid, we've known each other since I was 11 and have actually remained friends for all this time. We just went to visit her for three and a half days, and we only saw her for about 11 hours total. The time she had to be at work, I understand, and the romantic trip with her boyfriend I guess I understand because he messed up the dates of when we'd be there and couldn't get his money back.

And I'm trying really hard to understand her bailing on us Sunday night because he called her half drunk and sad that his ex-wife was getting remarried that day. She already knew that he'd be sad. Maybe she should have just invited him over for the day and we could all hang out. Then he'd at least be distracted. I don't know. Looking back, I probably would have made all the same decisions that she did in her situation. And I know I dumped my friends A LOT while I was dating and engaged. I was in love and that's like the most important thing EVAH!!!!!!!!!! I'm very grateful to the ones who stuck it out with me. I lost a LOT of friends during that time. And I know I deserved it too.

(You know you're ready to get married when you no longer have to say, "Oh, I'm sorry I can't talk right now, my boyfriend's here." Trust me, once you're married, you'll be thrilled that your friends called you. You'll tell him, "Sorry dear, I can't hang out with you tonight, my friend called.")

Anyway, I digress. She was really, really apologetic as she left, and said a bunch of stuff like "Please don't hate me" and whatever. I never said I wasn't mad, cause I was, but did tell her that if she felt she had to go, just go instead of spending 20 minutes explaining and rationalizing it and basically asking for my permission. She told us not to worry about cleaning (we did a little, but admittedly not as much as we would have otherwise. We were also running late, so it's good that she gave us permission not to clean) and that we should help ourselves to whatever we wanted, blah blah blah. I did try to eat as much of her food as humanly possible to make myself feel better, but it wasn't working too well. Plus, a lot of her food was lame non-fat fake stuff.

Finally, I said to my husband "I want to be a bridesmaid." I think she owes me that much. Besides, I've never been a bridesmaid and know I'd make a really good one. She planned my wedding shower and I'd like the chance to do the same for her. And most of me thinks she probably already realizes all of this. But I think I'll be pretty sad if she doesn't.

I can think of two other close friends of hers that would probably rank above me. I'm in no way expecting to be maid (OK matron) of honor. But I think I might be about her third-closest friend, and I don't know too many people, especially those who want big, huge weddings that their parents are paying for who have only two bridesmaids.

Should I say something? Hint? Or be polite and suck it up if I don't get asked? Or, and this is what I'm most worried about, not say anything and plan to just suck it up, but then break down and have all of this come out at her in an emotional flood of upsetness after she's already asked other people?

Not as TMI as it sounds

I have a huge hickey on my left boob, but I swear, it's not what you think. Nothing scandalous, I swear. In fact, its not even what you think after you stop for a minute and go," OH, I know what it is."

I bet you're thinking that it's from nursing Ben while we were both on sleeping drugs. Like maybe he latched wrong because he was sleepy and I didn't correct him because I was sleepy. And that would make a lot of sense, expect for the part where it just wasn't what happened. I got the hickey on my lunch break yesterday. How? I have no idea. You'd think I'd notice if he was really sucking on the side of my boob instead of being centered on the nipple. That's usually a recipe for pain. And you'd think that HE would notice that he was sucking on flesh (where there are no holes for milk to come out) instead of actually nursing ... but I guess not. All I know is that when I went to switch him sides yesterday, there it was. I said, "Mama side ouchie!" and he said "Sorry" and gave it a gentle kiss.

My husband told me I shouldn't have done that since it wasn't really his fault, but I want him to learn some empathy here, and will jump at any opportunity I get to teach him the concept. I know I'm not starting to wean yet, but I think the whole thing will go much smoother if he already understands the idea that sometimes nursing can hurt Mama and that we need to be respectful of people if our actions are causing them pain.

You know, or "Mama side ouchie. Kissie? Love Mama. Otherside!!!!!"

memories of my little baby

we watched videos of ben's first birthday this morning because he wanted to watch tv. "TV!!!!!" he said, banging on the TV cabinet. fine.

first, OMG I can't believe I was crying then that he wasn't a baby anymore. he is such a little baby in that video! i cried as soon we turned it on. and also, i uh, hate to say this, because it makes me sound way more egotistical than i am, but i think i looked really pretty. i remember choosing my clothes and doing my hair for that day, keeping in mind that we'd likely be seeing the video a lot for years to come. i know i've seen it since we made it (at least once right away to make sure it came out OK) but i don't remember thinking i looked especially nice then ... maybe its because i look worse now, LOL!

anyway, ben watched for awhile, and then got bored and tryed to push a lot of buttons and turn the TV off.

oh well. he is only 20 months. he shouldn't be watching TV anyway.


This is what Ben's first birthday was like, FYI:


OMG itz mah birthday!




i get good stuff?



wow i like stuff!

my first blogspot friend

So I never really pushed this blog very hard. I told all my friends on my other blog, thesynergizer that it existed a few times. but i didn't say GO READ IT! and for the most part, because I didn't really have very many readers, i didn't write that often. It's a downward spiral. when i met my new friend anna, at bcmom she actually found this blog of mine on her own, because she has a blogspot blog too! when i first saw her comment in here, i couldn't figure out who she was. but then i stumbled over to her blogspot blog and i figured it all out. and she had linked to my lj from her blogspot too. that was very nice of her.

there are one or two people from lj who wander over here on occasion and read this, but its nice to have a blogspot friend on blogspot. it's amazing how just a comment or two here and there can be so motivating. so my goal is to write at least a couple times a week now. maybe people will figure it out on their own. :-)

i just want to relax

we're going on vacation next week, but with a toddler, i doubt it will be relaxing. for three of the four nights, we're staying with my friend in her one bedroom apartment. i'm sure it is not childproof. this does not sound relaxing. i have a ton of work to do at work before we can go, stuff that absolutely HAS to get done, and i can't even make myself start on it. the only good news i can come up with at the moment is that my other web site, http://thesynergizer.livejournal.com/ finally reached a PR of 1, so hopefully I can start pulling in some more income ASAP. my husband is too busy remodeling our house to bother with starting his new job. in my personal opinion, its only going to be so long before they declare him a flake and give it to someone else. i know we're going on vacation soon, but its only for four days. he could at least call them once a week or so to check in ... and not like finally getting his insurance and having his first client means he is going to be WORKING all four hours of each day. its massage. you go in when you have a client. if you don't have any appointments, you don't have to work. whatever.

my mom is sending money too, to help pay for the vacation (we're going to see my great-grandmother for her 100th birthday) and my dental bills. she's a very nice mom. and the rest of our financial woes? well, what doesn't get gifted to us from various family members who feel bad about our house will have to be earned by me. i knew when i married my husband that our finances would most likely be my responsibility throughout our lives. i never had any expectations that he would be worth much financially. so when we were living in idaho and he had a successful massage therapy business going, i was proud and happy. but still, he used a lot of his money on dumb "investments" for the business. "if you don't put money into it, it will never grow bigger." yeah, but you have a bad track record with what you choose to spend your money on. anyway, anything he ever put toward household expenses, i was grateful for.

fast-forward to now, if he ever gets an income, i'll consider it a bonus. but between my job and my blogging, i know its up to me to earn enough to see us through. if we are having struggles, well then i just have to work harder. such is life.

the final stretch

I have graduated my first adopt a mom mentee and received a new one, with twins. She's pumping for them currently and is trying to get them to nurse more. They do nurse some, but she's having some problems with latch and stuff. Ahh. My department. Anyway, so I decided I'd better read up on twins. So I got a bunch of books at the library yesterday. It was very fun to freak out my husband. "Why are you getting books on twins and triplets?" ha ha ha.

Also, along with those books, I spotted LLL's "How Weaning Happens" and decided to grab it. It's usually out and I know its a highly recommended book. I got a few pages into it last night, but had to put it down. I know we've got a long time still, and sometimes I am SOOOO tired of nursing. But when I think about weaning, about my son being weaned, being done, no more otherside, ever, I get kinda ... you know ... sad. There were lots and lots of weaning stories. Most of them didn't affect me too much, and I totally understood the mom's reasons for weaning, whatever they were.

But there was this one story about how a mom was determined to remember the last time her daughter nursed and write about it. Well, every so often, she would realize it had been a few days and to her horror, she couldn't remember the last time they nursed. "What if she never nurses again?" the mom would think. Well, a few more days would go by and she would nurse again. This happened a few times until the mom realized it had been more than a week. Surely that was the end. But then relatives came to visit and there were kids and dogs exploding this little girl's ordinarily quiet house. She loved it, but was overstimulated big time. That night, as she was laying next to her mom drifting off to sleep, she said, "Mom, I need to nurse." And that was the last time.

Big fat tears welled up in my eyes when I finished reading their story. And if you've ever nursed, I bet you know just how I feel. I love my son so much, and I do want to see him grow up and become independent and learn new skills, but yet there's still this bittersweet aspect to the whole thing. He'll always be my baby, you know?

I know I could let him self-wean and maybe that would make it easier, but I imagine I'll be sad no matter how it goes down, and I really do want to start TTC next summer. And in order to do that, I need my fertility back. That means "all done otherside" for the munchkin. My plan is to nurse freely up until his second birthday. I will feel that I've given him his birthright (according to the WHO) at that point. Then, we will begin "Don't offer, don't refuse." I'm giving him six whole months for a gentle weaning program. If it looks like it isn't going so well, then I might have to step up my practices as the summer gets closer. I don't want to traumatize him too much, but I also would like to get my period back a few months before TTC so I know where I am in my cycle. Sometimes I can hardly remember what it was like to have a period, its been so long.

That, I don't miss at all. :-)