I'd like to purchase a time machine

The only good news I can report at this particular moment is that Ben went to bed at the fantastically beautiful time of 8:15. And that's not down to bed at 8:15, that's ASLEEP at 8:15. I've seen nothing like this in months and months and months. But at the same time, I haven't had a day like today in um, ever?

Our day started well. I woke up and we nursed. My alarm went off and I actually was able to get out of bed, so I scooped Ben up and carried him upstairs, stripped him down fast and put him on the potty. Ta-da!!! Dry diaper, overnight :-) That's right, I'm a potty-training genius. Yay! I suddenly felt a lot better about the $7 I spent last night on an online potty training course. (I wouldn't recommend it if things are going fine, but if you're having problems, it does have a few good tips. Probably worth about half of what I paid for it, but hey, $7 is not that much to begin with. Since a lot of things on the Internet turn out to be a scam, I'm happy that it was useful at all. It's actually one of the ads on the top of this page "potty training in 3 days" so check it out if you're interested.)

Anyway, I digress already.

He peed, we watched Backyardigans, we went to art class. It was an Easter-themed day, and I even thought about not going, but decided we'd paid for it and he'd have fun. He doesn't know bunnies and eggs have anything to do with the J-dude. So we did some fun projects and when class was over, lo and behold, he was still dry!!! Yay again. We went to the public restroom but he was too distracted. So I bribed him with candy to stay dry all the way home. He did, we made it and he went in the potty again!!!! A potty-training goddess, that's me.

Then we had lunch and nap. I set a nice alarm so I'd know what time to go get him to make sure he made it to the potty in time (if he wakes up naturally, he never makes it) Well, of course, he woke up 3 minutes before the alarm. And wet his pants. Ah, well. To be expected.

The next pee was when we were outside playing in the yard. We of course tried to go before playtime, but he didn't go. So I set an alarm on my cell phone for 3:45 to try again. Every 20 minutes until they go. Want to know when he went? Three mintues before the alarm went off. Great.

So now, it's late afternoon. We watched some tv. We did some potty sits. Nothing. Time went by. He got up a lot. More time passed. The more sure I was that he had to go, the more he refused to even sit at all. We tried the big potty. We tried the little potty. He screamed, "No potty!" Oh dear. I saw the carpet accident coming a mile away and had no idea what to do.

But thankfully we figured it out. I put on Penguin Movie which we haven't seen in eons. He peed right in the potty before the previews even STARTED! Yup, sure you didn't have to go. But what I can't understand is why he hates the potty later in the day. Seriously, each potty visit is harder than the last and by the end of the day he basically refuses to go at all. Our last accident was actually when Stephen was watching him and he was sitting on the massage table. Stephen actually got a little mad which is kind of unusual for him.

Le sigh.

By the time I got Ben to the bath, we were all insanely tired. He'd been screaming and getting into things and making a big ol mess of anything he came near. We get into the bathroom, and he goes for the toilet paper. About a third of a roll in .5 seconds. And then he threw a bunch of it in the bath. AGHHGHGHHGHGHHHHHH!!!

Things were better in the bath, he calmed down some and did some listening. All was going well until we got out. He tried to get back in, with his towel and I told him that bath was all done. So he bolted straight to the toilet paper. Double handed unrolling. And as much of it as possible into the draining bath. In an instant.

So. Onto the title of this post. I thought to myself while nursing Ben to sleep, what happened to my baby?

This lead me to two separate trains of thought. Why on earth would I want ANOTHER child when I'm so close to strangling this one? What makes me think that I could watch two? And live? They'll tag team me ... one will destroy things while the the other cries and then I'll go to clean up the destroyed stuff and someone will bite or pinch or cry and then I'll lose one and I just can't imagine what the hell I'm thinking.

But I really thought about why it is that I want another baby. Not just the two kids was always the goal in the long run. Not just so much that I want a daughter so much that it physcially hurts me to think about it for too long. It's that I want my baby back. And since Ben will never get younger, the only way to recaptures those wonderful sweet little newbaby moments is to have another one.

I wondered if people would have so many kids if there were time machines and you could just go back and visit your first at any age. Hmmm.

Cause seriously, if Stephen came to me and said "Throw out your pills! Let's make a baby tonight!!!!" I'm not sure I could do it. I am THAT tired.

I spent the whole six and a half hours that I slept last night dreaming about potty training. That's right, dry pants are so much a part of my life now that they're infecting my dreams.

I just want a little break.

PS: the newest good news is that it turns out that not only did he go to sleep at 8:15, he did it BY HIMSELF with zero get ups. Wow. That's one tired kid.

How many flavors was that again?

To motivate Ben with his potty-learning, I've been giving him treats for two reasons. One level for staying dry, and one level for going in the potty. I read once that just giving reinforcement for going in the potty doens't get the whole message across. Then they get the idea that it's good to go in the potty, but not that they have to do it everytime. Just when its convienient for them.

Rewarding for dry pants is a completely different mentality. It's not saying "You have to use the potty" it's saying "Mama likes dry pants." It's hard to explain why it works differently, but it does. If you do this technique completely the way its recommended, you're not really supossed to make a deal out of using the potty at all. Rewards are for potty sits (trying, regardless of success) and for dry pants. This is supossed to keep him from feeling pressured or stage-fright or whatever. But I can't help but get really excited when he pees in the potty, so I'm kind of doing a combo approach.

Anyway, I decided to go out and get some special potty treats for dry pants. Out of nostalgia and a general good memory of them, I went with a box of Jelly Bellies. A pre-mixed set. Like 40 flavors.

And do you know the problem with Jelly Bellies? You can't tell what you're getting (yes, even if you pore over the little chart thing that they include) until you put it in your mouth. It's the worst guesing game ever. Will it be chocolate pudding? Or will it be root beer? Ewwwww!!!!

Ben asked for a "black one" the other day after using the potty and I gave it to him, warning him that Mama doesn't even like black ones, and that if he didn't like it, it was OK.

I seriously should have taken photos. I've never seen him so confused. He's like "It's candy. I like candy. But it's bad!!!! What's wrong with the candy? Why is it broken?"

Ha ha ha. I'd give up on the Jelly Bellies completely except for one problem. What's that? Juicy pear. OMG, if you've never had juicy pear Jelly Bellies, it's worth going out and getting a whole box just to pick out the pear ones. Mmmmmmm. Pear.

Thankfully, I like more than just the one flavor (I really like the popcorn ones, which I've heard makes me weird/rare) and interestingly Ben likes a lot of the ones that I don't, like Tutti Fruiti and Orange and Lemon-Lime. Ha ha ha.

Ka-pow = oh no

So even though we’re still struggling with the $$$, I approved of spending $4 on a new video for Ben. He watches a movie everysingletime he uses his potty, which is basically all the time now. As long as we’re home, the pull-ups are just catching accidents. (And poo-poo, but boy is that another story.)

Anyway, I wanted him to have a new movie because he was (or maybe Stephen was) getting tired of just watching Elmo all the time. First, Stephen put on Cars for him, which I was OK with, because it was rated G and really cute. But next, it was Powerpuff Girls, which is PG. OK, fine, because they were just watching the opening scenes where the girls are born and then go to Kindergarten and then play tag. Well, then Stephen kept letting him watch a little more each day and it was getting more and more violent. You knew it was bad because Ben was acting scared at the movie. So what do we do? Turn it off? Well, that’s what I wanted to do, but Stephen was talking him through it, helping him to feel excited instead of scared. And it wasn’t long before I found myself doing it too. We were trying to cheer him up by desentizing him to the violence.

“Ka-pow! Go Powerpuff Girls! Get those bad monkeys! Yay, Powerpuff Girls save the day!”

And sure enough, he wasn’t bothered by it anymore. And even surer enough, it was only a few more hours before it occured to him to take a pillow off the couch and attack Blinx with it. “Bad kitty! Ben-Ben get you!” I pulled the pillow from him, told him he could hit the pillow with his fists or yell into it, but he couldn’t hit the cat with it. I turn around 30 seconds later and he’s hitting Blinx with his fists! Dammit.

What frustrates me the most is that Stephen just doesn’t seem to see this. He thinks, “Oh, he’s being a boy. All boys go through this type of stage. We teach him that kitties have feelings and put him in time-out if he does it again and he learns what the rules are. No biggie.”

And I guess those things are fine enough, but why set him up to fail, you know? We show him videos of little girls beating up on monkeys, we cheer them on, and then we tell him he can’t beat on his cats? Why aren’t we cheering for him? You get the idea. Whoever thinks violence on television doesn’t cause it in kids clearly never sat down and actually paid attention to their kids. It’s quite obvious to me.

Everybody likes new stuff

Ben used his potty once on Monday and again yesterday. This is a relief because a few months ago he was routinely using it about three times a day, and then all of a sudden, he would have nothing to do with it. And we didn't change what we were doing either ... weird. Anyway, Stephen suggested that we get him a better one and it might encourage him to stay with it this time. I admit, the old lame boring white one that my mom saved from when I was 2 years old isn't that fantastic. It falls apart easily and isn't attractive to kids. So I agreed to go to Mal-wart and look at singing potties. Well, the one we were wanting to get was sold out (the next one up was nearly twice as expensive, yipes!) so we left without one. We did get a few pairs of pants and some polo shirts on clearance though.

AND, we got a big wooden B, E and N, as well as some orange paint. Now his room walls won't be so bare. I was going to get started last night but accidentally fell asleep with him when putting him to bed while Stephen was at choir. Opps. Oh well. The extra sleep was nice, anyway. Now that he sleeps through the night, I've been pretty lazy about getting to bed at a decent time. I mean, when you've been waking up every two or three hours for nearly 22 months, sleeping for six or six and a half hours in a row feels like a dream! It's only after a week or so of this that you realize you do actualy need at least seven and a half hours on average to not feel lethargic at about 2 p.m. and beat at about 9 p.m.

Live and learn.