How many cars do we need anyway?

I was so excited to move back to Puget Sound where there is nice public transportation and lots of city type things within walking distance. But then my mom offered to let me use Joe's car while we lived here, and I have to admit, now I'm kind of spoiled by being a SAHM with my own car.

I know that it makes no financial sense for us to be a two-car family once we don't live here anymore. But it doesn't stop me from browsing the internet, looking at Car Prices, wondering how horrible a person I am for wanting a family car when we don't even know how many kids we will be having yet.

I mean sure, if there are three, then I can see that we would need one. But only two? And a gas guzzler? Not a good plan. But its so NICE having so much room in my vehicle for the dog and groceries and stuff. Oh well.

Achieve it

You know that cheesy old addage, "Anything you can conceive and believe, you can achieve"? That kind of inspriational message is usually found on posters in the guidance counselor's office at a high school. And even when I was IN high school, and like the cheeriest, giggliest girl you could ever imagine meeting, those posters made me want to barf. There was one of a bird trying to eat a frog and the frog was already in the bird's mouth but he used his froggy hands to squeeze the bird's neck closed and the text read, "Never, ever give up" or something like that. It's kind of a nice idea, but even then I knew that there are some things that you should just give up on.

Take me for example. A realistic dream was to be a journalist. Everyone told me that I was good at writing, I seemed to enjoy it, and I really loved layout. But if my dream was to be a singer, a la Carrie Underwood? There are not enough voice lessons in the world to fix the fact that my tone is bad and when I think I'm matching what I hear, I'm actually painfully flat. (I can hear this quite clearly when listening to myself played back on a tape. Just not while I'm actually singing for some unknown reason.)

So the dream I entertained as a child of being a rock star was out. Just plain out. No amount of dreaming and believing was going to make it happen.

Well, what about my current dream? To be at home with my kid(s) and maybe someday train to help and support other nursing women? With our family's finances? How will we get by without my steady income?

For awhile, it felt like that dream was too far on the rock star side of things. I struggled to earn a few extra $$$ here and there. I was thrilled to make $5 every few days. And now? With hard work, perserverance and some dumb luck, I really feel like I am starting to turn my life around. We had problems and I said, I will not let these problems stop me from following my dreams. I found a solution and I worked at it, HARD, for a very long time. And now everything looks so rosy I'm starting to wonder what else I could accomplish if I set my mind to it. I am very stubborn, you know :-)

Would you like mayo on that?

I drempt that I was pregnant and all I could keep down was mayo and I was eating it out of the jar. Just so you know, I hate mayo and woke up very grossed out, and yet for some reason was compelled to put some on my turkey sandwich at lunch today. What?!?!

Do you know how much trouble I would be in if I were actually pregnant? Dude, next summer is going to come along soon enough. We just got Ben sleeping in his own room, he's still nursing, though much less than before, and I haven't even started sleeping through the whole night yet myself! The last thing I need is to have to force wean or deal with the creepy crawlies that come from nursing while pregnant.

So why the mayo? I could not even begin to tell you.