Etiquette101

Is it rude to downright ask someone if you can be their bridesmaid?

Don't say yes, obviously I know it is, or I wouldn't be writing this, but seriously, this person was MY bridesmaid, we've known each other since I was 11 and have actually remained friends for all this time. We just went to visit her for three and a half days, and we only saw her for about 11 hours total. The time she had to be at work, I understand, and the romantic trip with her boyfriend I guess I understand because he messed up the dates of when we'd be there and couldn't get his money back.

And I'm trying really hard to understand her bailing on us Sunday night because he called her half drunk and sad that his ex-wife was getting remarried that day. She already knew that he'd be sad. Maybe she should have just invited him over for the day and we could all hang out. Then he'd at least be distracted. I don't know. Looking back, I probably would have made all the same decisions that she did in her situation. And I know I dumped my friends A LOT while I was dating and engaged. I was in love and that's like the most important thing EVAH!!!!!!!!!! I'm very grateful to the ones who stuck it out with me. I lost a LOT of friends during that time. And I know I deserved it too.

(You know you're ready to get married when you no longer have to say, "Oh, I'm sorry I can't talk right now, my boyfriend's here." Trust me, once you're married, you'll be thrilled that your friends called you. You'll tell him, "Sorry dear, I can't hang out with you tonight, my friend called.")

Anyway, I digress. She was really, really apologetic as she left, and said a bunch of stuff like "Please don't hate me" and whatever. I never said I wasn't mad, cause I was, but did tell her that if she felt she had to go, just go instead of spending 20 minutes explaining and rationalizing it and basically asking for my permission. She told us not to worry about cleaning (we did a little, but admittedly not as much as we would have otherwise. We were also running late, so it's good that she gave us permission not to clean) and that we should help ourselves to whatever we wanted, blah blah blah. I did try to eat as much of her food as humanly possible to make myself feel better, but it wasn't working too well. Plus, a lot of her food was lame non-fat fake stuff.

Finally, I said to my husband "I want to be a bridesmaid." I think she owes me that much. Besides, I've never been a bridesmaid and know I'd make a really good one. She planned my wedding shower and I'd like the chance to do the same for her. And most of me thinks she probably already realizes all of this. But I think I'll be pretty sad if she doesn't.

I can think of two other close friends of hers that would probably rank above me. I'm in no way expecting to be maid (OK matron) of honor. But I think I might be about her third-closest friend, and I don't know too many people, especially those who want big, huge weddings that their parents are paying for who have only two bridesmaids.

Should I say something? Hint? Or be polite and suck it up if I don't get asked? Or, and this is what I'm most worried about, not say anything and plan to just suck it up, but then break down and have all of this come out at her in an emotional flood of upsetness after she's already asked other people?